Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
