talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
