I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
