We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
