We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
