I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
