i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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