I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
