margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
