Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
