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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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