if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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