I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
