Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
