Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You smell like stripper and shame
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
