you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
