my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
