Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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