He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
