note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My vagina is officially offended.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
