Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
