He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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