i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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