So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
