Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
