All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
