normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
