Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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