Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
