Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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