That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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