I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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