I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
