If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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