yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
