I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
