the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
