Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
