It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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