just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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