Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
