Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my vagina is haunted
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
