letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
