just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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