I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
