I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
