I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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