you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
