he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
