You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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