According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
