the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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