Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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